My Online Identity and the Dreaded Facebook Account.

I deactivated my Facebook about six months ago with the intention of getting it back at some point.  Now that I don't have it, I think back and laugh at myself about how much I relied on my online identity to define who I was in real life.

Facebook Photo

When I deleted my account, I had over 800 friends.  Why? I have no idea.  When I was in high school, I thought that having an enormous number of Facebook friends made me "cool" in some way.  Even though, when I would look at other people's Facebook pages and they had anywhere over 200 friends, I would immediately think "wow, that person must have no friends in real life".  And then I started to wonder - is that what people think about me?  But I only realized that after I deactivated my Facebook.  So, I suppose I thought I could increase my so called "popularity" in real life by increasing my online identity's "popularity".  I came to this realization when I noticed that, without Facebook, I didn't really talk to very many people.  I realized that my online identity on Facebook was not representative of my real self.  When I reactivate my Facebook, I have every intention of deleting those that I have on my friends list for no apparent reason.

Another issue that I have encountered with Facebook and my online identity has to do with the infamous "relationship status".  I had my first boyfriend when I was 15.  I couldn't wait to put it on Facebook and show the world what I had accomplished! Then we broke up shortly after and I couldn't wait to show the world (and my ex boyfriend) how fast I could get over him! So, I entered into a new relationship way too quickly just to have my status on Facebook read "in a relationship".  Seeing as the breakup had been incredibly bitter, there was no chance that I was going to let my relationship status go back to single this time.  I was going to show my ex who was the boss.  Then, I stayed in an unhappy relationship for three and a half years and just ended it 6 months ago.  Eventually, it wasn't the love of the relationship status that caused me to stay in the relationship anymore; it was the fear of what people would say or do over Facebook if they found out that we broke up.  My online identity had shown people for three and a half years that I was unavailable and happy as ever; and that would all change if I removed the relationship status.

So, the first thing that I did after I broke up with him was to take my relationship status off of Facebook and immediately deactivate my account to avoid the comments from others (pathetic, I know).  I couldn't bear the thought of having over 800 people realize that I was now single, and wonder what on earth had happened.  I realized that most of the people who I was connected with through my online Facebook identity were not really interested in me, but were interested in the drama.

So, that leads me to my current dilemma.  I recently entered into a new relationship, and am wanting my Facebook back.  Not because I want the put the relationship status back on, but because I feel like other people have probably gotten over the fact that we broke up.  However, I know that if I get my Facebook back, I will likely put my relationship status back up.  Again, my online identity will include me being in a relationship rather than me being single.  I realized that as soon as I entered a new relationship I was automatically okay with having my Facebook back, when during my single months I was completely against it.  I wonder if the only thing I feared was having my online identity change; because now that it will say "in a relationship" again, I am perfectly willing to get it back.

It is interesting to think about how an online identity can shape a person's life.  I spent three and a half years of my life in a relationship that I was unhappy in, all to preserve my online identity.  Some people may consider it sad that I allowed the internet to control my life (as do I), but I firmly believe that this will be the way of the future generations as well.